By Leland E Pulley
It is the beginning of another new year. Many people use this time period to reflect upon last year and what they may do better this year. For those who do utilize new year resolutions, many times this leads to improvement in life. Other times there is little change in how an individual chooses to live. The purpose of this article is to present a concrete and effective way to utilize new year resolutions every year.
My wife and I have been married many years and seen lots of changes in our family during this time period. As we look back over a few decades, it becomes obvious what we have done and not done. We tried to figure out one thing that would have made a big difference in our lives. We found something that is directly related to new year resolutions and offers long-term strategy for marriage and family life.
My wife and I should have done a detailed analysis of our individual lives and marital life every January of every year we were married. Yes, at times we did discuss things and make plans like everyone else. We adapted to change and did the best we could each year. But this is not what I am saying. A more thorough and detailed analysis done yearly would have produced better results in many areas of our lives.
Both husband and wife should do a complete evaluation of his and her individual life in January. Then they should do the same thing for their marriage and marital responsibilities. Thereafter, do parenting and other family related activities. Let me illustrate this approach with a few statements below.
- Are you healthier now than you were last year, and if not why? Have any medical issues occurred and were these handled properly?
- How do you feel about yourself now compared to last year? Are you happier than last year? This can show up in many small ways. Satisfaction with your life is critical for good mental health.
- Is your marital relationship stronger or weaker than one year ago? What can be done to further strengthen this relationship?
- How do you stand financially this year compared to last year? Do you have more assets and less debts or liabilities?
- Did you actually accomplish some of the goals that you set last year? If not, identify the reasons why.
- What is the status of your job or career today versus one year ago? Have you taken any classes related to your work or received any job training to improve your skills?
- Have there been any improvements in your housing or yard?
- Are you still satisfied with where you live or would you prefer some type of change?
- If you have children living in the home, is your relationship with each child stronger than last year? Are the needs of each child being met in a satisfactory manner?
- Is there more harmony and joy in your family life by both parents and children? If not, what has happened to lower the environment in your home?
Anyone can ask questions like these. Do you do this? If so, what types of answers do you come up with? Thereafter, did this lead to positive action and ultimately an improvement in your lifestyle?
We have learned that it is important to ask many questions and find specific answers for them. This should be done each year as you move through adulthood. It is important also to write down important questions and answers with the date by each one. Keep these notes in some type of file or binder or in a computer file. Within a few years you will notice that your attention to various aspects of your life will increase. You will more readily notice changes from year-to-year. Your efforts and records from past years will help you to do better and live better this year and in the future.
Let me give a few examples of how powerful this simple approach can be.
- I can look back at age 35 and say why did I make that particular decision? Maybe I should have done more research or perhaps talked with someone with more experience in the specific area. It is obvious now what I could have done better. Yes, hindsight is great, but then it is too late to prevent negative things from happening. Regular annual evaluations would have helped me at every age, along with being open to advice from others with more experience.
- Many years ago, I remember talking to a friend about stocks. Since I had not been involved in financial planning nor worked in that industry, I did not do much with this information. Several years later I took two college dealing with stocks and investments. Once again, I did not make any real changes in how I made and handled money. Finally, in 2008 my wife and I woke up. Some changes were made in our financial efforts, and now we are producing supplemental income. With annual reviews, including a critical analysis of our finances, I am sure we would have been more successful in supplemental income and done it much earlier in life.
- When you have children, it is easy to think that your kids will do most things right and turn out to be successful adults. As part of New Year resolutions done every year while our children were growing up, we did discuss them as a group and as individuals. However, it is one thing to generally look at each child or your children as a group, and another to critically analyze the individual development in many areas of each child. We should have done a more thorough analysis and comparison each year for every child. Our parenting would have been better and the children would have achieved more in their lives. Yet to people outside of our family, it seemed like we were happily married, great parents, and our family looked unified and strong. This doesn’t mean we could not have done better. For example, some of the characteristics of each child which we now witness in them as adults, were obvious when they were in grade school. We should have worked with this reality more effectively over the years.
As adults it is easy to become comfortable in how we live and presume that we are handling our lives in an acceptable manner. I look back on my life and see that some better choices and decisions could have been made. I should have talked with others more about some of my personal choices. But too often we adults do not share enough with one another. This is especially true for men. Perhaps we think that others are not concerned about us or we do not want to reveal too many personal things to them. The net result is less sharing and less helping between people. This results in a lower performance in various aspects of our lives.
My advice to myself and my family members is simply this. Make time at least once each year to stop the clock and thoroughly analyze what you are doing with your life. Over time you will recognize patterns and trends which are working for you and others which are working against you. You will be able to take corrective action sooner and more successfully. In the process recognize that others are smarter than you and more talented than you in specific areas. Have more humility and less pride, and let others help you where they can. Likewise, be willing to help others as they walk down their road in life.
In conclusion, I know that my good life over the decades would have been even better with annual reviews and more sharing with other people. Do yourself a favor and put more effort into these two critical areas. An investment like this will pay great dividends over the years and decades of your life.
Key Words – new year resolutions, detailed analysis done yearly, ask questions, improvement, records, advice from others, better choices and decisions, patterns and trends, humility, help others, road in life
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