By Leland Pulley
Over the years I have found that there have been periods when I was happier and more satisfied with my life. I have often wondered why this was so. In reviewing such periods, I have come to some simple conclusions. Let me share them with you and see if they do not fit into your life also.
It is easy to be happy when things are going our way. We have a good job and enough money to pay bills. We have friends who treat us well. We experience good family life. We are healthy and can participate in many activities. We have many good experiences that build memories in our lives. There is peace in the land, and we have freedom to do as we please. We are not threatened in any way and feel safe and secure. Under such circumstances as these, who would not be happy and content?
The challenge comes when things are not always what we want nor do things go our way. The more years that pass by, the more chance there is that you will experience things beyond your control. You will have adversity and problems to solve. You will be tested in many ways and this will show the type of person you really are. How well you handle the things that life throws at you will tell yourself and others a great deal about you. It is not as easy to be happy with adversity unless you handle it well and overcome it. Then you can look back on it with increased confidence in yourself, greater appreciation for certain things, and you will be wiser for what you learned from the experience.
The goal is to be as happy as possible, despite whether things are going our way or not. We should strive to do this as much of the time as possible. Some suggestions for achieving consistency in happiness are given below.
Let us begin with things that cause people to be unhappy and recognize that we share many of these things in common. Look back on your life and you will recognize personal characteristics, habits, attitudes, and values that have crept in over time. Some examples may include impatience, frustration, and even short tempers. You say things that you don=t mean, and later regret you said them. You blame others too much and do not accept enough of the responsibility or blame yourself. Negative attitudes have developed, along with bad habits, and both work against you. You allow yourself to be depressed and unhappy with your situation and circumstances. You radiate to others the negative thoughts and feelings you have, and they in turn reflect back some of these same things to you. This is a self-reinforcing negative cycle. You are more pessimistic than optimistic. These examples become like weeds in your life that need to be pulled out in order to make room for more positive things. If left uncorrected, these negative things can become a permanent part of your mental landscape and affect all aspects of your life. They will grow and push out positive things. The challenge is to not let them in to begin with, but if they do get in, get them out as soon as possible. If you do not do this, you will be unhappy more often and to a greater degree.
The next thing we all must do is to recognize that we are vulnerable to negative influences and unpleasant things. We can be tempted to do the wrong things. In moments of weakness we will do things that later we regret. Thus, we must be humble enough to see ourselves as we really are. This allows us to evaluate our life and judge where we stand today. Then we are ready to work on being happier.
One secret to happiness is to recognize that the greatest influence on your happiness is yourself. The things you think about and the behavior you exemplify are the most powerful tools you have to be happy. They help you to develop and maintain positive attitudes, good values, and habits that work in your favor. This puts you in a stronger position to handle any adversity which can come your way.
Another secret is to make the best of any situation and get all the good out of it that you can. You may not like it, nor be able to fully remove it from your life, but you can learn from it. You can grow from the experiences you go through and come out of them a stronger individual. Recognizing the strengths that you have gained contributes to happiness.
You should also accept responsibility for the way you run your life. If you do this in all aspects of your life, then you will take preventive measures to safeguard your happiness. By this I mean doing things in advance or in preparation for potential obstacles, problems, and other things beyond your control. This puts you in a better position when such things come into your life to handle them better and come out a winner. For example, get job training and education to make a decent living. Establish a budget to live by and accumulate some savings for emergencies. Then if unexpected bills come up or a reduction in income, you are better able to handle the situation and less likely to be upset and unhappy.
It is hard to be happier without some good people relationships in your life. No one is happy who lives alone and associates primarily with himself. We are social creatures and need people in our lives. When you=re happily married and have good kids, these family members help you to be happy and act as a support group for you. Good neighbors, friends, and associates at work all can participate in activities with you. As you share positive experiences with others, they bring joy and happiness into your life. Seek good people to enrich your life and you will be a happier individual.
In thinking further about happiness, there is something that we should all remember. Happiness, like so many other things in life, is governed by law. A lot of people fail to recognize this important fact. If you want to be happy or happier, then there are certain things you must do. For example, do good not bad things. Take care of yourself in appropriate ways. Develop positive rather than negative attitudes. Obey the laws of the land and the commandments of God. Serve others as well as yourself. This list could go on and on, but you see my point. Happiness is not something you wish for or win in a lottery. It is something that you must strive for and work to maintain through your personal efforts and those who are willing to support such efforts. And even when you do this, there will be some variation up and down in your level of happiness over time. This is okay as long as your small ups and downs are allowing you to gradually reach higher levels of happiness over the years and decades.
To work on being happier, I suggest that you look into your life and try to identify what bothers you at times. Are there ways you=re dissatisfied with what has occurred in your life? Perhaps you wish now that you had done some things differently in the past. Next consider today. What seems to get you frustrated, or causes you to lash out at others? How much do you radiate negative feelings to others? Listen to the tone of your voice and the words you use at times when communicating. Do they turn other people on or off? What causes the stress and headaches in your life? These are just a few of the ways to evaluate your current state of mind and level of happiness.
It is important to consider that despite what has happened in the past, and what is going on in the present, you can be happier in the future. Identify everything you can that pulls you down or burdens you in any way. What is a mental burden for you now? What produces negative thoughts and feelings? What leads to poor conduct that you exhibit at times? In answering these types of questions, you need to be sincere, humble, and brutally honest with yourself. This will help you to identify such things and figure out ways to overcome them or eliminate them from your life. As you do this, one by one, you will gradually become a happier individual. It takes work and consistent effort over time. Do not become discouraged nor give up. Remember you are the greatest influence on your happiness, not all the negative things that can come into your life, nor the people in your environment.
To assist you in your efforts, let others be role models of happiness for you. Some people can handle poverty and still be happy. Others experience war, pestilence and disasters and come out stronger individuals. Some people have had serious health problems and yet have a positive attitude towards life. There are plenty of heroes, in the realm of happiness, who have proven they can obtain and maintain happiness in all types of situations and circumstances. Some of these people may be a neighbor, friend, relative, or someone working with you. Admire their strengths of character and follow their role models in happiness.
Next consider how the life perspectives on this website contribute to have personal happiness. You need to be a good Inner Boss who has complete control of your thoughts and feelings. Effective Living helps you to achieve what you want and thus have satisfaction. Good Stewardship helps you to manage all aspects of your life so you are truly in charge. Less things get overlooked or forgotten and more things are handled in appropriate ways. Good Character is essential for personal happiness. No one can be truly happy with bad character. Spirituality supports happiness in many ways. Greater spirituality leads to more righteous living and peace of mind. As you seek and obtain Success in worthwhile endeavors, you will feel fulfilled and your life will have more meaning. This contributes to happiness.
I challenge you to not go along month after month and year after year assuming that your current level of happiness is all you can have. Raise your sights and expectations. Take small steps forward and upward in your quest for more happiness. You can do this in a variety of ways. Enjoy worthwhile activities. Make progress in your endeavors. Strengthen relationships. Accomplish more in meaningful and productive work. Develop yourself as an individual and help others too. Do the right things for the right reasons. Accumulate good memories. As you do these types of things, you will most assuredly experience more happiness in your life.
Here are two strategies that will help you to meet this challenge. First, identify the things that make you happy, and then fill your life with more of these same things. As you do this, the happy moments and times will increase and the unhappy moments and times will automatically decrease. The negative will be squeezed out by the positive. To reinforce this first strategy, identify the things that make you unhappy and seek to remove them from your life. Began with the thing that contributes the most to unhappiness in your life. This becomes your top priority to work on. Work on this first and strive to remove it or decrease its impact on your life. After doing this, select the next biggest thing that contributes to unhappiness and work on it. As you decrease or eliminate the things that contribute to unhappiness, you will be making room for more happy moments in your life. In essence the second strategy supports the first one.
Finally, monitor yourself periodically. If necessary, slow down the pace and lighten the load. Make room for more happy thoughts. Add in more good activities with others. Recognize your achievements. Be grateful for the benefits and blessings you have. These types of things will recharge your battery and permit you to get back doing the things you should, only with more happiness to sustain you.
Key Words – happy, adversity, unhappy, negative things, positive things, regret, happiness, attitudes, strengths, relationships, governed by law, work, consistent effort, role models, inner boss, effective living, stewardship, character, spirituality, success, expectations, help others, good memories
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