By Leland Pulley
Recently I had a conversation with a lady about some trends in our society. One topic that came up was marriage. She indicated that she had been living with a man for over twenty years. I asked her, why not get married if you stay with someone that long? Is marriage something to avoid? Then she said that marriage was just a piece of paper! She did not need marriage. I said this is not so and living together is not a substitute for marriage. To have sexual relations between a man and woman outside of marriage used to be called fornication, if each person was not married. Now it is called living together. If either person was married, then that person was committing adultery. These are both serious acts of immoral behavior, and sins in religious terms. She said she could understand not cheating on your lover or partner, but there was no morality associated with sex outside of marriage. In other words, she was justifying her situation and her behavior. What do you think?
Legal and lawful marriage between a man and woman is the most important relationship that any human being can experience in this earth life. It is meant to last throughout adulthood with the same partner or mate. It is a stronger and longer relationship than the parent-child relationship. Marriage is the basic relationship in society.
Marriage serves several functions.
- It meets the basic need of adults to form a partnership and be loved by a member of the opposite sex. This provides support and strength to the two individuals involved. They form a unity and can accomplish more together than two separate individuals.
- Marriage provides a way to have legitimate sex. If everyone would keep sex within marriage, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases would drop drastically.
- It provides a way to have children who can be raised by both a mother and father in the home. In this way two guardians are responsible for each child.
- With marriage both the male and female role models are in the home. When parents then set a good example as husband and wife, and father and mother, each child receives better training in the home. The child has more of a chance of turning into a well-adjusted adult. This is the process of passing on to the next generation good ethics, principles, and values; religious beliefs; family traditions; and other important things.
- With marriage you know who is responsible for who, both legally and financially. This applies to mates, as well as the custody or guardianship of children. In case of accidents, medical emergencies, or death, there is someone there who has the authority and right to act in behalf of another. With marriage you know who is responsible for what, both legally and financially. This includes property, bank accounts, investments, and business assets.
Despite the importance and value of marriage in society, this social institution has become weakened for several reasons.
- It used to be associated with religion and still is by many people. Religion stresses marriage. However, in our secular society of this modern world, religion itself has become more removed from the lives of many people and thus less important to them. Thus, a sacred ceremony or sacrament like marriage loses support too.
- Marriage is treated with less respect in several ways. More people live together today without being married. Divorce has become easier to obtain and more common. People have multiple partners during their adult life, so why stress marriage so much or marriage to one partner over another partner.
- A traditional view of sex is that it is to occur only in marriage between consenting adults. Today sex is shown between people not married, in many forms of literature and entertainment. This supports the idea that sex and marriage don=t have to go together. Besides this, sex is occurring more and more between teenagers, who then become adults already experienced in fornication. Most of these teens will not seek marriage to start having sex when they have been having it for years already.
- Marriage becomes a convenience for some people. They want its benefits without its obligations. If things are going well, they stay in a marriage. When things are tougher, they bail out. There is a lack of commitment, dedication, sacrifice, and a spirit of unity to work things out. This bailing out by many people weakens the institution of marriage and cheapens it too.
- The parental role has become less important. Families are smaller today due to less children per couple. A parent can and often thinks of his or her wants, as much as the needs of the children. It is easy to get divorce and enter into another relationship or marriage. So, if things become difficult in a marriage or with the parenting involved, many adults simply get out of the marriage and the parental responsibilities associated with it.
The above list contains common reasons marriage is in trouble. There are other reasons too. When marriage is in trouble, family life is in trouble. When family life is in trouble, ultimately the social fabric of society begins to unravel. The government, nor social agencies, nor schools can or ever will be a substitute for the family. They can supplement the family unit, but not replace it. Indeed, the family, with marriage at its center, is the glue that holds society together.
Unfortunately, marriage is not stressed in modern-day society. It is not talked about enough between individuals. It is not emphasized in the schools. Not enough churches are stressing it as strongly as they should. You hardly hear anything about it on the news. It is treated as a personal choice which each individual can decide for himself or herself. In other words, it is not as important as so many other things people fill their lives with today. This is a tragic oversight by any country or society. A heavy social cost is being paid already, and this will get heavier if society does not wake up and take corrective action.
Now let us get back to the comment by that about her adult relationship, and marriage being no more than a piece of paper. Anyone who has paid the price to start and sustain a good marital relationship over many years knows that this leads to more fulfillment and happiness than merely living together. There is no comparison. This same thing is true for couples who will sacrifice to have children and do their best in raising them. Such parents will have a type of fulfillment and happiness not experienced by any childless couple or adult. These statements about the benefits of marriage and parenting are true because they are based on social and spiritual laws which are applicable to everyone. Remember, you get what you pay for in this life. If you want to cheapen something, do not be foolish enough or deceive yourself into thinking that you will have what another person has who paid a higher price than you. I knew that day, as the lady and I parted, that she did not have and probably never will have in this mortal life, some of the benefits and blessings that my wife and I have relative to marriage and family life.
Everyone votes through their behavior. If you are married, you are voting for this institution. If you are living together, you are voting against marriage. It is just that simple. Likewise, if you are happily married, you are saying that marriage works. If you are unhappy in your marriage or getting divorced, you are saying that marriage is difficult. Actions speak louder than words, especially to young people watching adults. Remember, however, it is not marriage that fails, but the people in it. May each of you think about your adult relationship with your partner. If you are living together, why not accept the challenge to get married? If you are married, what can you do to strengthen your marriage? As a couple how can you use marriage more effectively to improve parenting in your home?
Key Words – marriage, fornication, adultery, unity, children, role models, religion, divorce, parental role, society, tragic oversight, social and spiritual laws, behavior
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