By Leland E Pulley
I am a mature and experienced man with both sex and life itself. Thus, I will be very explicit in talking to other men about sex. Women, read this article because there are things in it for you too.
Do not be naïve and think that because I am older than most of you, my message is outdated or much of it can be ignored. This is not true. There are guidelines and laws that govern sexual activity for all generations and all nations. I know these and have been obedient to them. Additional evidence to support these guidelines can be found in my book Road Map to God.
Let me begin with some personal history. I grew up at a time when sex was not talked about as much as it is today. You were supposed to delay sex until adulthood and marriage. This was not so bad because young adults were getting married at a younger age than today, and they were able to get jobs with less college education and formal job training. Many individuals got married right out of high school. Families were started when couples were in their twenties. Less women worked outside the home than today. Everyone was supposed to have and use common sense in this critical area. If you got a girl pregnant in high school, you were expected to marry her. The birth control pill did not become available and in widespread use until I was in college.
We had some health instruction in the public schools, but I do not remember sex education. It has evolved and become a part of school curriculum.
I started noticing girls sexually in the sixth grade. Until that point in time, girls were just girls. Now things were beginning to change. I observed that a few boys were spending some time with specific girls. In the seventh grade, I was invited to a few parties held at homes where boys and girls could interact with one another. As we got older in the teen years, the activity between boys and girls increased. It became obvious with time who liked who and who was dating who. In high school, a steady dating relationship developed between several classmates of mine. I went on a few dates with girls, including the Junior and Senior prom dances. However, I did not develop a strong relationship with any girl during adolescence. In college I did some dating. After graduation I started working professionally. It was then that I met my future wife at a church dance. She was an attractive blonde. After the dance, we started dating. Within about four months, we were married. I have been happy with her ever since then. We have been sexually active all these years. We have raised our children, and now have many grandchildren. Moral standards and sexual guidelines have been utilized all our adult lives.
A significant event occurred in the seventh grade. I made the decision to delay sex until marriage. Why? Good adult role modeling in the community while growing up showed me how to live without sex until marriage. Also, there were teachings in my church that stressed morality and appropriate sexual relations based on age and marital status. I kept this promise to myself during middle school, high school, college, and until marriage at age 25.
You may not identify with all the personal information shared above. It illustrates how I put my life in harmony with principles governing morality and sexual activity. These are universal in nature and do not change with time. Use my story to help you evaluate your life. How much is your life in harmony with these principles?
Now here is an important question. What would happen if all the men in the world would follow the same guidelines and obey the same laws that I did relative to sex? Let me summarize below all the ways this would benefit both men and women, family life in general, and society itself.
- There would be no incest, fortification, rape, or adultery among heterosexual individuals. Instead, you would have two responsible and married adults giving mutual consent for any sexual activity.
- There would be no sexual activity among homosexual individuals. They would learn to live a life without sex.
- Sexual identity issues would be extremely rare. These would not be discussed with children in schools. Instead, such issues would be addressed in an appropriate way on an individual basis. Each person would learn to understand and accept his or her true masculine or feminine identity. There would be no bisexual or transgender problems.
- There would be no pornography, sex trafficking, or prostitution.
- There would be no sexual abuse or child abuse.
- There would be less need of sexual therapy sessions or counseling.
- There would be no divorce. This would lead to more homes with two parents participating in the parenting of children.
- There would be a greater number of marriages and more children born into this world as a result. Pregnancies would be planned and babies would be welcomed into the home. You would hardly hear about abortion.
- There would be fewer foster children and less kids needing adoption.
- There would be less crime by teenagers and young adults.
- The quality of family life would increase, and more young people would have a greater chance of success in adulthood.
I could add more statements to the above list. But you should realize the power for good that we all could have in our families, schools, communities, and nations. Who does not want this?
Not every man is going to make the decision I did at age 12. But they can make the decision at some later age. Also, even if a man makes a mistake in the sexual area, he can recognize this and strive to have better behavior in the future.
I believe that if we men would do a better job in this critical area of life, women would support our efforts. They would even encourage us.
Women should be reminded of their own responsibilities relative to sex. Most items listed above apply to women as well as men. Here are some additional things for women to think about.
- Decide as a woman that you will not have sex with a man until he marries you. It is not worth it. Do not give in to a man’s sexual lust and surrender yourself for a moment of pleasure.
- Be your clean, wholesome self. Then men will see you the real person and not a lot of fancy clothes, too much makeup, different hair color, and other such things.
- Dress in a modest manner. Do not wear low cut tops that expose your breasts. Do not wear short tight skirts so a man can look up your crotch. Men notice these things and some men will then look more at the rest of your body. In general, avoid clothing styles that expose too much of your body. For example, it is best to cover the top of your shoulder and the first few inches of the upper arm. When wearing a bathing suit, a single piece suit is far more modest than the two-piece suits with narrow top and bottom pieces.
- Forget about following the latest style in everything. Avoid vanity. Also, many trends in society are not beneficial nor helpful, so do not follow them. Be your own Inner Boss.
Ladies, some of the suggestions above seem very conservative or too restrictive. But let me ask you this. Do you want men to covet your body or love you?
I would like to remind you women that in many ways the sexual eyes of a man never close. For example, I can have sex with my wife and two hours later she and I can be at a mall. If an attractive woman passes by, I notice her. In my case, it ends there. But if a man looks again and says to himself, she is very attractive. A subtle but covetous process can begin in his mind. If this occurs too much or too often, a man may begin looking to other women outside of his marriage. Casual relationships can be formed and office romances begun.
It is the responsibility of both men and women to form strong, wholesome, and morally clean relationships. These must be strengthened, as well as safeguarded. If a husband or wife feels their marriage is weak, or there is dissatisfaction in the sexual area, they should discuss it and take action to improve the situation and correct any problems.
Finally, what can we all do to help one another in this important area of sexual activity?
- Begin in the home. Married parents should exemplify proper conduct in marriage and teach their children appropriate sexual values before marriage.
- In health classes, schools should be teaching students sexual morality until marriage. Teaching them how to use a condom sends the wrong message. Also, gender identification issues should not be handled by schools. Let parents, counselors, and church leaders address these things.
- Churches should teach the importance of marriage and why individuals should be morally clean in the sexual area. Provide social activities for single adults to meet one another. Allow teenagers to mingle with one another in good activities and have adults present. Set dating age guidelines like no dating alone until age 16.
- Movies and television shows should not be showing men and women having sex together outside of marriage. Select better entertainment, especially for young people.
- Government policies and programs should not be giving women welfare money for illegitimate kids born outside of marriage. This leads to more welfare over time, with the pattern continuing from one generation to the next generation. Also, there are less homes with a dad present, which hurts boys and leads to more juvenile crime by them.
These are just a few things to help all of us exercise good self-control and utilize sexual activity in positive ways.
Key Words – sex, birth control pill, sex education, guidelines and laws that govern sexual activity, decision to delay sex until marriage, true masculine or feminine identity, parenting, family life, women, dress in a modest manner, sexual eyes of a man
Return to Articles page to read more articles
If you have any comments or feedback on this article, use the Contact Us page