By Leland Pulley
Anyone who is married knows how important compromise is to hold the marriage together. Anyone who goes to court knows that in both civil and criminal trails, compromise occurs in civil settlements and plea bargains (a form of compromise) in criminal cases. In politics and diplomatic relations compromise is essential to get anything done or for agreements to be reached. Even in business, there is the need for a certain amount of compromise to please customers and keep employees happy.
To compromise is to settle differences between people by mutual adjustment or modification of opposing claims or demands. There is agreement by mutual concession. A settlement or resolution is reached and agreed to which binds both parties to do certain things or agree to common conditions or results. Thanks to compromise, differences can be handled in a peaceful, orderly, and fair manner. There is no need to resort to name calling, arguments, fights, lawsuits, criminal behavior, divorce, or war.
People do have different opinions, viewpoints, perspectives, motives, interests, and concerns about common things which they share or experience together. Because of this, differences arise. All you have to do is then add in some prejudice, stubbornness, pride, a little temper and compromise will be limited, impeded, and in some cases prohibited entirely. On the other hand, there are things that help to bring about compromise. People can listen to one another, be empathetic, be fair and honest, and be open in disclosing the facts. This leads to more mutual understanding and compromise. Then it is easier in this latter environment to decide who will do what, when, how, and why. People will be able to arrive at better terms of agreement much quicker, and this will be pleasing to more of the parties involved.
So how do we all experience more compromise in a positive manner? First let us all realize that compromise is an essential ingredient in human interaction. It helps us to get along on a personal basis, to hold marriages together, to settle court cases, to make business deals, to pass legislation, and to settle disputes between nations. Compromise must be viewed as a necessity of life, not merely an option or convenience.
Compromise depends on all parties doing what they have committed to do. If someone still has negative feelings, or holds a grudge, or eventually seeks revenge, then any compromise made eventually unravels and becomes null or void. A compromise should be viewed as a commitment or contract, even if unwritten, that all parties agreed to and now they seek to bring about the desired results.
Sometimes circumstances and relationships change after a compromise has been made. In this case it must be looked at again to see if all aspects of it are still valid or worth honoring. Perhaps some changes are needed to keep the agreement going.
In making compromises, one should not over expose himself or the group he represents. For example, some information is private and should remain so. Some information is not relevant to the issue at hand and should not be shared to merely expedite compromise. Related to this, do not compromise in a way that exposes you and others or makes you more vulnerable to danger, suspicion, or scandal. In other words, normally there is no need to jeopardize your situation or relationship unless there is a valid reason to justify this or both sides must do so for the sake of everyone. Here is a good example. One should not compromise his safety, or those he is responsible for, or is concerned about, or whom he represents except for rare and emergency conditions.
Another big mistake some people make in compromising is they surrender their principles or values to reach agreements. This brings them shame and disappointment with time. Usually there is no reason to do this. Friends who asks you to do this are not really true friends or you need to get some better ones. Family members can be guilty of influencing you to do this too. Lovers can be selfish and ask you to do things not in your best long-term interests or in their interests either. People at work or in business can make compromises in deals to help themselves and ultimately cheat the customer out of a better product or service or the best price. In politics too, politicians will make compromises that will help them personally as much or more than their voters.
Related to compromising is accommodation. Sometimes adults will begin to accept things they should not. They get use to how others treat them, or to certain working conditions, or to the lack of safety in their own neighborhood, or to government stalemate, or other things in their lives. As time goes by, they soon ignore these things or merely accept them as a necessary burden or negative influence in their lives. There is little they can do about such things so they give up trying. This type of accommodation is a form of weaknesses. It works against changing things for the better. It prevents individuals from standing up for their rights, or making an effort to improve things in their lives. Thus, a better compromise with others, or with their environment, or with their lot is life is never made. You should not let others wear you down so you give up on yourself and people and life. Seek help and make the effort to renegotiate your contracts or to compromise in a more fair and balanced way, which benefits you more without hurting others unfairly or unjustly.
Let us go back to marriage. How well do you and your mate compromise with one another? Do you do this on both big and little issues? Are there issues that still divide you after twenty years? If any improvements need to be made, start now. Communicate and share and work together for the benefit of both of you.
What I have said about marriage applies to all relationships and to the many types of interaction between people, whether as individuals, groups, businesses, or governments. The guidelines for reaching good and fair compromises for all parties should govern every form of compromise.
I challenge you to develop your skills in compromising. Learn to be patient until good compromises can be reached. Be willing to put forth the effort required to obtain the things which are rightfully yours.
Key words – compromise, agreement, fair and honest, a necessity of life, a commitment or contract, principles or values, accommodation
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