By Leland E Pulley
One of the most subtle influences in our lives is being too tolerant of our own weaknesses over time. We accommodate and gradually accept things or conditions that we would not have accepted earlier in our lives. Conditions that would have been unacceptable years ago are now tolerated. Through such tolerance, things grow on us gradually, not suddenly. This is why we do not notice the small, but sure changes associated with such tolerance. It is only when we look back over the years that we can see the big differences in various areas of our lives between the past and present. And even then, many of us lose our ability to appreciate what we had, and thus what we have lost.
We humans are creatures of habit, routines, and patterns. Once we get used to doing things a certain way, we get comfortable and do not change much thereafter. We get set in our ways. We get used to doing things our way. This is especially true when we are fairly satisfied with the way our life is going. We then stay in this mode of living until something strong or powerful pushes us out of what we are doing, in order to try something different or improve upon what we have.
The reason toleration in so subtle and yet so powerful is that it grows on us slowly but surely over time. For example, we start out with a neat home and began to accept more sloppiness. Before long we are content in a sloppy home, or what was once a sloppy home to us is now a fairly neat home. We have become blind to the difference between a neat and sloppy home. In this example we are accepting a change in lifestyle. Another example is waistlines. Over the years we do not balance our daily activities, eating habits, and exercise; so slowly but surely our waistline expands. Before long we have gotten used to a larger size of clothing or tightening up the belt or wearing more loose-fitting clothes. Years earlier we would have never envisioned ourselves in this situation, but now we are in it. What happened? The answer is gradual acceptance and adaptation grew into tolerance. We slowly but surely became used to an increase in our weight and clothing size because it happened slowly rather than all at once. This is the danger of tolerating the wrong types of things in our lives. I am sure each of you can think of negative ways tolerance has occurred in your life or in the lives of family members.
Tolerance is like grease in a pan. When you get done cooking, you must clean the pan with warm water and soap, or you will leave residue in it. The next time you cook, you add more residue. Pretty soon the pan has layers of residue. If this is done too much over time, it becomes difficult to get the pan clean. This assumes you notice how dirty it really is. The odds are if you are not cleaning all the way along, you will get used to the pan being dirty and not see the need to clean it fully. The same thing can happen in our lives. We become blind to the need for positive action, or change, or improvement. And even if we do wake up, now the task is harder to do, or the goal is more difficult to achieve.
When we accept or tolerate things that we should not, we begin to burden ourselves in various ways. We slow down and get less done. We are less efficient or productive. We begin to degenerate or go downhill. When this occurs in any way, shape, or form, we are tolerating the wrong things. Essentially, we are allowing the things we tolerate to gain power over us. It is similar to starting a good exercise program. Then slowly but surely decreasing the number of days you exercise, and doing less physical workout when you do, until pretty soon you drop the routine entirely. This is giving in to your weaker side, or your lack of self-discipline. Then it is harder to get back on track by making a definite decision and start exercising again. So, what do most people do? They drop their exercise program and never continue it.
Too much tolerance is accepted because it is easy. It seems to offer the path of least resistance. But over the long run, it becomes a heavy burden in our lives, and we end up paying a high price for this supposedly easier road in life.
One danger associated with too much tolerance is we literally forget what we had before the negative effects of tolerance took their toll in various areas of our life. We do not consciously think about what it was like back then. We focus on living today and putting up with what we must today. It is hard to go back in time mentally and regain a fresh perspective on what we had and what we lost.
There are social ramifications to consider too. When too much tolerance affects individuals, it ultimately affects groups. A good example of this is social change in society. As more tolerance occurs with more people, it begins to show up in society. You can see social tolerance through the declining morality, drifting values, changing ethics, and degrading behavior that have been on a downward spiral for the last few decades. Truly individualism and diversity have been used to justify many negatives patterns of living. Things that were once considered improper are now considered okay in terms of behavior. Relationships that will once labeled as abnormal are now considered acceptable. Conditions that were not very acceptable to most people are now passed off as OK because each person can do whatever he wants. I have seen many social patterns and trends that indicate negative trends in my society. The reason this has been occurring is because people let it occur. They have been tolerating more negative things in their own lives and thus in their society. This leads to lower social standards of living. Unless corrective action is taken, each generation will repeat the errors of the previous one, plus add some more of their own.
Let us now focus on me and you. I have seen too much tolerance of some things in my life. It has taken place over a period of years. Some things I wanted as a young man were not fully obtained when I got older. This happened because of too much tolerance by me. I let myself down by not sustaining steady progress towards certain goals. I was not determined enough, so with time I began to give in. I took less risks and worked less than I should have. Slowly but surely, I ended up with less accomplishments, progress, rewards, and happiness in specific areas. On the other hand, there have been some areas in which I have been diligent, faithful, steady, and consistent throughout my life. Therefore, I have been able to handle more conditions, get along with a larger variety of individuals, and sustain a good marriage. I can work out compromises between people with different views, motives, and backgrounds. The result is a stronger and better self. This offsets the negative effects of too much tolerance which I am still working to overcome. Having the positive effects of growth to be more influential than the negative effects of tolerance is what each of us should desire.
As you look at your life, identify areas where too much tolerance has been working against you. Take time to note specific ways that it needs to be replaced with a more constructive and positive way to live so its negative effects are dampened out. As you think about this, here are some things to keep in mind.
- Do not get set in your ways too young.
- Do not just go along with the crowd because it is easier.
- Do not think your body is going to take care of itself when you fail to take charge of it.
- Do not think you have a secure career when the job market is continually changing. If you are not continually updating your job skills and watching out for yourself, you not only could lose your job, but become outdated too.
- Do not think that your marriage is going to remain happy forever if you do not put something into it continually.
- Do not expect parenting to be a joyous ride if you are not upgrading your parental skills as your children come along and lay more responsibilities on your shoulders. They will pull you in more directions, use up more resources, and find greater ways to challenge you as a parent.
- Do not get the retirement mentality when it may never happen for you.
There are habits, attitudes, values, or relationships that you have adopted or formed. Through these you have developed patterns and routines in daily life, and ways of thinking that slowly but surely have been accumulating over the years. I recommend that you first try to find one of these where good efforts have been working in your favor. This means you have been using these efforts to help yourself and others in some way. Then come up with an example of too much tolerance that has had a negative impact on your life. Identify when it got started and how you got used to it over time until you are where you are today. Make a comparison between the positive example and negative one. This should help you to visualize even clearer why the negative effects of too much tolerance can work so much against you, and the positive effects of good efforts will work so much for you. By turning negative tolerance around, you can make it become positive growth that will work for you.
Recognize both the good effects of effort and the bad sides of tolerance and strive to have more good effects in your life. As you do this, you will find that life gets easier. The reason is because you do not give in, over a period of time, to circumstances and situations and other things that could have an adverse effect on you. Instead, you hold your position, so progress is not lost, and you do not go downhill. Therefore, you do not have to regain ground or fight again a battle that you have already won before. You do not have to go back up the same hill. For example, if you were at level eight and go down to level four, you must then fight to get back up to level eight before proceeding on from there to higher levels. It is easier to stay at level eight and merely move upward from there.
Having more positive effects than negative ones is not only the best way to live, but the easiest and most efficient. I advise you to take seriously all negative effects of tolerance in your life and weed them out. Then you will be a strong Inner Boss, who wants to live in an effective manner, and who will use the Stewardship attitude and take charge of your life. As this occurs, positive growth works more in your favor, and you get more of the things you want out of life.
Key Words – weaknesses, tolerance, degenerate, burden, perspective, progress, compromises, Inner Boss, Stewardship attitude
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